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Kids Say The Craziest Things

Kids say the craziest things, and my Z babies are no different.

As much as I have enjoyed my kiddos as newborns, infants, and young toddlers, my favorite stage so far is when they started talking. After almost two years, and sometimes more, of me trying to guess their thoughts, they finally could speak enough words to tell me what was going on in their little heads.

Hearing what my 2 and 3 year olds have to say can be endearing, gratifying, hilarious, maddening, and sometimes downright scary, depending on who is around to listen. If you ever been near young kids, I am sure you know what I mean.

Once they start talking, you just never know what is going to come out of their mouths.

Family portrait

To keep me from forgetting this fun stage, last year I opened a Tumblr account, which I entitled ZTalk: Out Of The Mouth of BabeZ, and began recording some our conversations and interactions. Today I decided to share some of my favorite ones with you.

I hope reading through these will brighten up your day a little bit =D


Zuri having a FaceTime conversation with grandma…
Grandma: Zuri when I go see you I will bring you a remote control plane.
Zuri: I want to see it! I want to see it!!
Grandma: OK, I will show you when I go.
Zuri: I have a plane too (runs to his room and brings his Little People plane) See? This is my plane! (Parading his plane in front of the camera)
Grandma: Are you going potty in the toilet already?
Zuri: No
Grandma: I will bring you the plane when you go potty in the toilet.
Zuri: It’s fine then, I already have a plane for kids who don’t go potty in the toilet, I don’t need two.


One of these days the kiddos were up before the crack of dawn and ended up lying between my husband and I on the bed while we tried to catch at least five more minutes of sleep. As soon as they found themselves next to each other they became territorial and Zarah began a full out kickboxing routine to protect her territory. That is when I heard:
Zuri: Ouch baby ouch you hurt me
Zarah: gdhegdedgisnai (angry shouting)
Zuri: You hurt me! Now you have to kiss me right here.

 

siblings


After pushing his cart all around the house…
Zuri: (with a serious face) mommy I need a check!
Me: Why do you need a check?
Zuri: Because I just mowed the lawn.


One day at church…
Kid calling to her father: Daddy, daddy!!
Zuri: Look daddy that guy has the same name as you!


I was trying to work on our budget on our old laptop (you know, the one that can’t survive being disconnected from the wall for even a second) while the toddlers ran around the living room and kitchen. I kept reminding them not to play with the cord or step on it to keep the computer from getting unplugged and losing my work. Right when I was about to make my final calculations Zarah pulled the cable off the wall.

Me: (Furious) What did I say about the cable? ????
Zarah: bshsjdnskdh
Zuri: She said she is sorry
siblings


Zuri has some rope lights hanging in his “fort” under his low loft bed and a while ago, to my utter horror, he started putting the free end in his mouth and, of course, so did his little sister. After a few futile attempts to get them to stop and out of fear someone would get electrocuted, I moved the free end of the cord towards the bed and told them whoever got it out would get spanked. It worked! No one touched it again.
When bedtime came around and we were putting the room back together, I took the end of the rope lights and put it back. As soon as I did it, I felt a slap on my back. I turned around to find Zuri standing there with his hand raised saying “you got it out, you get a spanking!”

 

Z1 with rope light in his mouth


One day at lunch…
Zuri takes first bite of his rice and beans.
Zuri: mom I think you burned the beans
Me: I don’t think I did
Zuri: Let me have another bite and I will tell you. (Takes another bite) yep it is burnt!


You know you are raising a PK when…
Zuri comes to me with a cup and spoon from his sister’s tea set trying to feed me “beans”
Me: (fake eating) you can feed the dolls too.
Zuri: they both went out to a Bible study.


On the check out line at a local craft store:

Nice lady behind us to Zuri: (in Spanish) you have such pretty hair and your eyes are so beautiful, etc…
Zuri: (looking not amused with a grin on his face in Portuguese) I have a booger in my nose.
Me: ??

Needless to say, I have never been more grateful for the language barrier.

 

Z1


The family is sitting at the table for lunch, Zuri takes one look at his plate and makes his royal pronouncement of the day…
Zuri:(in whiniest of tones)I don’t want sweet potatoes, I don’t like sweet potatoes.
Dad: sweet potatoes are good for you and they are sweet…. Do you like cookies?
Zuri: yes!
Dad: Cookies are sweet! Do you like lollipops?
Zuri: Yes!
Dad: Lollipops are sweet! Do you like sweet potatoes?
Zuri: Yes!

He cleared his plate…


After a long morning dealing with toddler fights…
Me: (reaching the limit of my sanity) if I hear about another fight you won’t have dessert after lunch!

2 minutes later…

Zuri: Mom, mommy, mom!!! Zarah pinched me!
Me: Zarah! Did you pinch your brother?
Zarah: (not showing an ounce of regret) I did!
Me: Then you won’t get any dessert today!
Zarah: ?????????
Zuri: (looking at her with the deepest sympathy) don’t worry, I will share mine with you.
Me: ?

 

kids playing


As I was snuggling with my kids one morning…
Me: Zuzu, I love you!
Zuri: me too (pause) I love me too.


One morning…
Zuri: mommy can you massage my belly again? It is hurting.
Me: wow! Your belly seems to be hurting very often
Zuri: yeah, I think it is getting old, I use it a lot!


Driving home from the supermarket and the two toddlers are arguing in the back about the spelling of H.E.B….
Zarah: it has an O
Zuri: there is no O
Zarah: there is an O
Zuri: there is no O

Me: ?


After staring at our wedding picture on the wall for a while and inquiring about who was present at the event…
Zuri: so how did it happen?
Me: what do you mean?
Zuri: how did it happen? How were you married? Did you hug? Did you kiss? Explain it to me
Me: …


On board a plane when we finally reach our cruising altitude of 33,000 ft…

Zarah: (hugging me tight): Don’t fall. Don’t fall. Don’t fall.

Zuri: (adjusting himself on the seat and casually looking out the window) So, where is Jesus?


 

What are some funny things your kids have said? I would love to hear about them in the comments below =D

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